Feats of Clay
Teleplay by: Michael Perricone, Greg
Elliot, Chris Levinson and Zack Estrin
Story by: Javier Grillo-Marxuach
Transcribed by: Shay Fitzpatrick
Season 1, Episode
Episode Number: 11
[Scene: Cairo, Egypt. Three men are at a house. One of them smashes the glass on the door, reaches inside and opens the door.]
Wesley: Told you. Piece of cake.
Clay: Let's just do this and get out of here.
Wesley: Relax, Clay. I told you no one's home, the owner is dead.
Palmer: Stay here and keep watch. We'll get the urn. (Wesley and Palmer walk into another room while Clay stands at the doorway.) Clay doesn't know, does he?
Wesley: Why spook him? He probably believes it was the curse that killed the old man.
Palmer: He was stung to death by a scorpion, Wesley. In a bathroom of an aeroplane.
Wesley: Don't tell me you believe in that crap.
Palmer: You think I'd be here if I did? (He sees the urn.) Is that it?
Wesley: That's it. (They walk over to it and Wesley picks it up.) You see any scorpions around?
Palmer: No, just dollar signs. Let's go.
(A picture on the side of the urn glows and disappears. Clay comes up to them.)
Clay: Hey, man, there's a car coming. You guys must've tripped an alarm.
Wesley: Let's get outta here.
(Two guards come in. Clay, Wesley and Palmer hide behind some plants.)
Clay: Should've never let you guys talk me into this.
Wesley: Shut up. We'll split up and meet in San Francisco. Give the urn to your friend and hock it right away.
Palmer: Don't you think about ripping us off 'cause I'll find you.
(Clay leaves. Wesley starts walking away but stops when he sees magic dust floating in the air in front of him. The dust turns into a woman - the protector of the urn.)
Wesley: Whoa. What are you?
Guardian: I'm the guardian of the urn.
Wesley: The what? (She touches her ring and then Wesley's chest.) Hey, what are you doing?
(A spider appears and he starts yelling in pain and falls to the floor.)
Guardian: You are being punished for your greed. As for your friends...
[Scene: San Francisco - 3 days later. Manor. Piper and Phoebe are walking down the stairs.]
Piper: New York Clay? That Clay?
Phoebe: That's the one.
Piper: You said you never wanted to see him again.
Phoebe: Ancient history.
Piper: Six months?
Phoebe: Five. (They reach the bottom of the stairs and Prue's standing there.) He's just stopping by on his way home. It's not a big deal. He was travelling or something.
Prue: Who's Clay?
Piper: Her ex-boyfriend, the musician. She met him when she was working at the Rainbow Room. You remember?
Prue: No, I don't. Nobody told me. They hired you at the Rainbow Room?
Piper: Yeah, she was the hostess until she started working at the Chelsea Pier.
Phoebe: Okay, can we talk about this later please? (The doorbell rings.) A lot later. We're just friends, that's all. Do I have lipstick on my teeth?
(Phoebe rubs her teeth with her finger and heads towards the door.)
Prue: That was mean.
Piper: That was not mean.
(Phoebe opens the door.)
Clay: It's really good to see you. (They hug and Phoebe has a premonition of her and Clay in bed together. The premonition ends and Phoebe smiles. They stop hugging.) You okay?
Phoebe: Uh huh. Ooh.
[Scene: Quake. Piper and Prue are sitting at the bar.]
Prue: What else don't I know?
Piper: Prue, don't take this personally but sometimes you can be a bit judgmental.
Prue: That is so not true. (Piper gives her a look.) Alright, so maybe it's sometimes true. I just don't understand why Phoebe never even told me about this guy.
Piper: People don't like to dwell on things that end badly.
Prue: Yeah, well, I wish my relationships ended that badly. Did you hear them last night? There was music, there was wine, there was...
Piper: Talking. And how do you know there was wine?
Prue: Okay, so I peeked. Well, you know, if nobody tells me anything, I have to get creative.
Piper: Stop worrying, she'll be fine. (Shelley walks past and she and the bartender look at each other. The bartender drops a tray of glasses he was holding but Piper freezes them before they hit the ground.) She knows what she's doing. Watch that entrance, make sure nobody comes in. (She walks around the bar and picks up the glasses out of mid-air, straightens the tray and places the glasses back on the tray. He unfreezes.) Whoa, Doug, easy.
Doug: Thanks, Piper. I hope Shelley didn't see that.
Piper: Oh, don't worry about that, you just hang in there.
(Piper sits back down.)
Prue: What was that?
Prue: That. You know, the guy, the glass. Do you do that often? Freeze time in front of, ooh, I don't know, let's say everybody.
Piper: Yeah. I'm finally getting some control over the unfreezing. The poor guy he just keeps dropping everything.
Prue: Well, then maybe you should just fire him.
Piper: Mmm, the owner wants me to. Actually threatened to fire me if I don't but Doug's just going through a hard time right now. Shelley the waitress just dumped him after six years of dating.
Prue: So, what, you're playing Cupid at the risk of your own job?
Piper: Well, yeah, I mean, Doug loves her. Even bought an engagement ring and everything, he just waited too long too ask. So now he's a wreck.
Prue: Still, you can't just keep, you know, freezing in order to protect him.
Piper: I know. So are you still going back to Buckland's?
Prue: Yeah, that's where I work.
Piper: I just figured after everything that happened with Rex and Hannah that you would be hitting the classifieds.
Prue: Well, if we don't save the auction house I might have to. Rex... (Doug comes out of the kitchen carrying plates. He trips and Piper freezes him.) Bankrupt.
Piper: What were you saying?
Prue: Never mind, I gotta go.
(Prue leaves. Piper walks over to Doug and shakes her head.)
[Scene: Park. Clay and Phoebe are walking along.]
Clay: I wish you could've been there, Phoebe. You would've loved Egypt. Pyramids, giant sphinx, Nile River, camel taxis. It was amazing.
Phoebe: You rode a camel?
Clay: Hey, they're friendlier then some of the cab drivers I met, believe me.
Phoebe: Can't imagine they're faster.
(Phoebe and Clay look at each other.)
Clay: You were right to leave me.
Phoebe: Ooh, and the conversation turns.
Clay: No, I'm serious. You were the best thing that ever happened to me and I blew it, I know that.
Clay: What? Too much too soon?
Phoebe: Yep. (They laugh.) Look, I hope you don't take this the wrong way but why are you here? With me now?
Clay: Why, can't a guy visit?
Phoebe: Yeah, but you're not just a guy, (she playfully hits him with her purse) you're Clay and Clay comes with strings attached.
Clay: I never could hide anything from you.
Phoebe: Actually you could. That was one of our problems, remember?
Clay: I picked up this urn at an overseas market. Thought it might be worth something.
Phoebe: So you want me to get Prue to help you because of the auction house?
Phoebe: Phew. For a minute there I thought you were here to win me back.
Clay: No, Phoebe. I think too much for you to still believe you're interested. Look, it's no secret. I've been in some trouble, gotten in too deep. I just thought if I could sell this urn, make some money, pay off a little debt, I can make a fresh start. Hey, think about it. Please, Phoebe.
[Scene: Bucklands. Prue's office. Claire's there looking through files. Prue walks in.]
Claire: Oh, hi, you must be Prue.
Prue: And you must be...?
Claire: Claire. Claire Pryce. The bank assigned me to see if the business is worth salvaging. I'm looking for inventory records. The files in my predecessor's office were empty.
Prue: Yes, well, Rex and Hannah weren't exactly qualified.
Claire: Obviously why Buckland's is in such dire straits. To be honest with you, Prue, I don't know anything about auction houses, and I know even less about art. But what I do know is the bottom line. And if we don't move $1.2 million dollars worth of inventory at the auction tomorrow, I'm shutting the place down.
Prue: Excuse me, did you say tomorrow?
Claire: Did I stutter?
Prue: With all due respect, you don't just decide to throw an auction, okay. You need advance notice, a catalogue, buyers.
Claire: Then it looks like you've got a lot of work ahead of you, doesn't it?
(Claire heads towards the door and Phoebe and Clay walk around the corner.)
Phoebe: Sorry. (Claire leaves. Phoebe and Clay walk in. Clay is carrying the urn.) Who was that?
Prue: The new sheriff.
Clay: Hey, Prue.
Prue: Hey, Clay, what's up?
Phoebe: Uh, favour. Clay was hoping (she takes the urn off Clay) that maybe you would sell this for him.
(She puts the urn on the desk.)
Clay: Yeah, I picked it up at a market overseas.
Prue: Picked it up? Does that mean you bought it?
Phoebe: What else could it mean?
Prue: Well, it's really beautiful. Gold inlay, twenty-four carat, a lot of lapis. Looks to be from Egypt.
Clay: Exactly. That's where I was travelling.
Prue: This etching's quite interesting, very unusual.
Clay: You think it's worth something?
Prue: Oh, well, I would have to determine the urns origins, it's previous owners.
Phoebe: Oh, couldn't you just skip a step or two?
Prue: Phoebe, I cannot risk this auction house's reputation with something like this without checking on it first.
Phoebe: Come on, come on, come on. I will, uh, what will I do? I will cook you dinner.
Prue: Oh, don't threaten me. Fine, I'll see what I can do.
Clay: Hey, thanks, thanks a lot.
Phoebe: Is she the best or what? (They hug.) Thank you, thank you. Ooh, I love you.
(Phoebe and Clay link arms and leave.)
[Cut to outside. Phoebe and Clay leave Bucklands.]
Clay: Thanks for doing that, Phoebe.
Phoebe: No problem. Prue can get you a great price for it too. She's really good at her job.
Clay: Well, it would be nice if she could like me a little bit.
Phoebe: She likes you, she's just real protective of me, that's all.
Clay: I remember when that was my job.
(He puts his arm around her.)
Phoebe: Yeah, and then I quit you.
(Palmer walks up behind them.)
Palmer: Hey, Clay.
(Phoebe and Clay turn around.)
Clay: Palmer. What are you doing here?
Palmer: I'm bumping into you. Aren't you gonna introduce us?
Clay: Oh, yeah, sorry. Phoebe, this is Palmer. I met him in Cairo.
Phoebe: Hi. Oh, wow, small world, huh?.
Palmer: Yeah, yeah. Hey, what's going on with that urn?
Phoebe: Wait, you know about the urn too?
Clay: Well, actually, that's where we met. The market place where I bought it.
Palmer: Yeah, right, the market place. Right, I thought you were gonna sell it.
Clay: Well, actually, Phoebe's sister works at that auction house. She's looking for buyers as we speak.
Palmer: That's good, that's good. The sooner the better I guess, huh.
Phoebe: Hey, are you okay?
Palmer: Yeah, I'm fine, I'm fine, thank you. It's just, uh, I'm a little tired, just lag, you know. Are you staying at the Ashcroft like I suggested?
Clay: Yeah, sure.
Palmer: Me too. Uh, maybe we'll hook up later.
Clay: Mm hmm.
Palmer: (to Phoebe) It's nice to meet you.
Phoebe: Oh, yeah, you too. (He leaves.) Eww, creepy guy.
Clay: Yeah. You hungry?
(They walk off.)
[Scene: Airport. Palmer walks up to a customs officer. There's a big wooden box there.]
Customs Officer: Can I help you?
Palmer: I was a friend of Wesley's. His family wanted me to make sure he got home all right.
Customs Officer: Sorry. How'd he die?
Palmer: I don't know. Spider bite, I think. He's off to JFK, right?
(The customs officer checks his papers.)
Customs Officer: First flight in the morning.
(The customs officer leaves. Palmer touches the box.)
Palmer: Sorry, Wes.
(Palmer walks away. The guardian of the urn appears.)
[Scene: Bucklands. Prue's office. She's on the phone.]
Prue: What am I supposed to think, Piper? Phoebe's ex pops into town and wants me to sell something for him. You think that's a coincidence?
[Cut to Piper. She's at Quake.]
Piper: Prue, you wonder why you're outta the loop. You worry too much about Phoebe.
[Cut to Prue.]
Prue: No, I don't, I just don't wanna see her get hurt, that's all. Look, I just get this really bad feeling about Clay, I can't explain it.
[Cut to Piper.]
Piper: I can. You don't think he's good enough for her. Just like you didn't think Jeremy was good enough for me. Of course in his case you were right, but that's not the point.
[Cut to Prue.]
Prue: No, your point is that it's none of my business and you're probably right. Speaking of playing matchmaker, how's Doug?
[Cut to Piper.]
Piper: The same, unfortunately. Except I'm getting a little freeze frazzled, it's draining.
[Cut to Prue.]
Prue: Don't you think you need to find a better way to deal before you get fired?
[Cut to Piper.]
Piper: I know. (Piper sees Doug coming.) Oops, I gotta go, I gotta go. (She hangs up. Shelley walks past Doug and he knocks a vase over and drops a tray of cutlery. Piper tries to freeze him.) Sorry, Doug. Too pooped to pop.
[Scene: Manor. Living room. Phoebe and Clay are there. They are eating Chinese food.]
Clay: I'm surprised you moved back here. I remember a few late nights, a few beers, a few not-so-pleasant conversations about your sisters. Here you are, living together again. Necessity or your choice.
Phoebe: I think a little bit of both. Anyway, things have kind of picked up at the Halliwell manor.
Clay: Like how?
Phoebe: Oh, well, let's just say, uh, San Francisco has been a lot more unusual than New York. More rice?
Clay: No, thanks. You know, Phoebe, you really haven't said much about what you've been doing.
Phoebe: Protecting the innocent from evil.
Clay: Come on, be serious. I mean, you barely had a spare minute in New York. Three jobs just to afford your social calendar.
Phoebe: Things have changed. I've changed.
Clay: I'm trying to change too. One thing that won't change is how I feel about you. (They kiss. They stop kissing and Phoebe lets out a little noise.) I'm sorry, I shouldn't...
Phoebe: No, it's-it's not that, believe me. I, uh, it took me a long time to get over you and I just wanna be careful.
Clay: I understand. But if I cleaned up my act would you consider moving back?
Phoebe: Do not go there now.
(Prue walks in.)
Prue: Oh, sorry to interrupt.
Phoebe: It's okay, it happens.
Clay: I should get back to the hotel, anyway.
(He stands up and starts cleaning up the Chinese containers.)
Phoebe: Clay, stop, I got it, I got it.
Clay: (to Prue) So how's it going with the urn?
Prue: It's going.
Phoebe: I think what he's trying to ask is it going, going, gone?
Prue: Well, I put it on the auction block.
Clay: Wow, great, that's great, thanks a lot.
Prue: Yeah, well, I'm still waiting for the background check to come through on it so I can set a reserve price.
Clay: Okay, whatever you get for it is fine with me.
Prue: As long as it sells, right, and in a hurry?
Clay: Well, from what I understand if anyone can do that it's you. (He kisses Phoebe.) So I will call you tomorrow. Then you can show me around the city. Let me see where I left my heart. (Prue pulls a face. Phoebe and Clay kiss again and then head towards the front door.) Hey, I really appreciate it, thanks again.
Prue: Anything for Pheebs.
Clay: See you later.
Phoebe: Okay. (Clay leaves. Prue looks at Phoebe.) What?
Prue: I can worry about my little sister, can't I?
Phoebe: Don't ever stop.
(They hear a small explosion coming from the attic.)
[Cut to the attic. Piper's there doing a spell. Smoke has filled the air.]
Prue: Are you okay?
Piper: Nothing to see here, move along.
Phoebe: Welcome to London.
Prue: What did you do?
Phoebe: More like who did you do it too?
Piper: I put a charm on Doug but I doubled the recipe. Just something to boost his confidence so he can give love a shot and give me a break.
Phoebe: Go ahead, Prue, yell at her.
Piper: It's not for personal gain and it fits into the whole harm none thing we have to live by, besides Prue's the one who told me to do something.
Prue: Did not.
Piper: Yes, you did. I just need Doug to stop dropping things so I can stop freezing things, I'm just exhausted.
Prue: You know, maybe he and Shelley aren't meant to be together. Not everybody's supposed to be.
Phoebe: Oh, that was, that was real subtle, Prue.
Piper: Well, we'll never know unless Doug has the guts to pop the question. All I'm doing is giving it to him.
Phoebe: It's just like the cowardly lion from the Wizard Of Oz. Well, it is.
[Scene: Bucklands. Auction room.]
Auctioneer: Ladies and gentlemen, this exquisite bronze plated carving dates back to well over one hundred and twenty years. Surely it's worth more than $2500. Do I hear $2600?
(Prue walks up to Mark.)
Prue: Mark, move the F. Scott Fitzgerald Pen to the next slot, all right. Our buyer, Mr Gordenson is getting restless. Go.
(He leaves. Claire walks up to Prue. She's holding a sheet of paper.)
Claire: I think you should see this, Prue.
Prue: What is it?
(She takes the paper off of Claire.)
Claire: It's the appraisal on the urn you requested. The good news is it's worth a fortune, the bad news is...
Prue: It's stolen.
Claire: Apparently. No wonder the auction house is going under. Selling stolen goods.
Prue: No, this is highly unusual and very embarrassing.
Claire: Yes it is.
(She walks away.)
Auctioneer: Yes, now 16? $16000?
Prue: Oh, no.
(Prue uses her power and swaps the number over in front of the urn with another item.)
Auctioneer: $15000 going once, going twice, sold for $15000. (Prue walks over and picks up the urn and leaves the room.) Next item up, lot number fifty-one. (The assistant picks up a painting.) This beautiful twenty-four carat gold inlay from Egypt... (He notices the painting.) Oh, obviously there's been some kind of mistake.
[Cut to Prue's office. Prue walks in. She notices Palmer there.]
Prue: Who are you?
Palmer: You must be Prue, Phoebe's sister.
Prue: Same question. Who are you?
Palmer: Me? I'm a friend of Clay's. Why didn't you sell that urn? You were supposed to sell it.
Prue: I think that you better leave.
Palmer: No, don't you understand. You have to sell it before the curse...
Prue: Curse? What curse?
Palmer: The urn. It's cursed. Never mind, forget it, I'll get rid of it myself.
(Palmer walks towards the urn and Prue uses her power to move it. She gasps and he stops.)
Prue: Oh my God, it is cursed.
Palmer: Oh, no.
(She moves it again.)
Prue: What's going on?
Palmer: The curse. It's happening. It's too late. I gotta get outta here.
(He runs out the room.)
[Scene: Phoebe and Piper are walking on the sidewalk.]
Phoebe: So do you believe in giving people second chances?
Piper: Absolutely. It's probably why I want to help out Doug so much.
Phoebe: Okay, well, Clay says he can change and I wanna believe him but...
Piper: But you're afraid of getting hurt, that's totally understandable.
Phoebe: So I keep my distance and then what? Hope that I'm wrong?
Piper: Well, you could be. That premonition of yours was definitely in the future.
Phoebe: Yeah, but the problem is I keep thinking about the past. When I moved to New York, I was so angry... alright, I was scared. And then I met Clay and he helped me out a lot and he was really good to me at a time in my life when nobody else was. (Piper gives her a look.) Sorry, you know what I mean. I didn't mean it like that.
Piper: Alright, that's fine. So why did you leave him?
Phoebe: Well, he kept living beyond his needs. He never thought of the future. Yeah, I know that sounds familiar. Let's just say he took one too many shortcuts. Got involved with some bad people, got in over his head, way over his head and finally I just couldn't take it anymore, I had to leave.
Piper: And so now his back hoping to be the man you fell in love with originally.
Phoebe: Yeah, so what do I do? What if he's the one? Like you say Doug and Shelley are. Do I just walk away?
Piper: No, but...
Phoebe: We can't live together forever. What, do we expect to be sixty years old and still be sharing clothes and a cat.
Piper: Now that you put it that way, no! I don't want to live with you anymore. (Phoebe and Piper walk in Quake. Doug is at the bar shaking up a cocktail shaker. He does a little spin on the spot. There are women standing at the bar.) Oh, boy.
Phoebe: I thought your charm was to boost his confidence, not turn him into Tom Cruise.
Piper: Maybe I shouldn't of doubled the recipe.
Phoebe: Uh, yeah.
(Phoebe and Piper walk up to the bar.)
Piper: Doug. (He walks over to them.) What's going on?
Doug: Not sure, but whatever it is, I feel great.
(Shelley walks up to the bar. Doug pushes a drink down to the end of the bar.)
Woman: Thanks, Doug.
(Shelley walks away.)
Piper: Uh, Doug, what about Shelley?
Doug: Who cares about Shelley when I've got Thursday, Friday and Saturday all lined up and waiting. (to Phoebe) I don't believe I've had the pleasure.
Piper: I don't believe you will. Off limits.
(Doug walks away.)
Phoebe: Your charm worked. You turned Doug into a...
Piper: A monster.
Phoebe: Mmm hmm. Oh, I gotta go, I told Clay I'd meet him over at the house. (She kisses Piper on the cheek.) Goodbye.
[Scene: Hotel. Palmer walks in his room. He starts packing the guardian of the urn appears.]
Palmer: How'd you get here?
Guardian: I came with your friend. I waited for your fear to consume you. Where's the urn?
Palmer: It's at the Buckland auction house. I tried to get it back, I was gonna return it, I swear. I tried to make things right, please. (She makes a scorpion appear and she puts it on him.) I'm sorry. No! No! No!
(The scorpion stings him.)
Guardian: You are being punished for your greed.
[Scene: Manor. Phoebe's room. Clay's sitting on the bed and Phoebe's picking out a dress.]
Phoebe: So the band goes on at 10:00 but if we get there before 9:00 there's no cover. You interested?
Clay: In anything that involves you.
(She gives him a look and he smiles. She holds up two dresses.)
(He chooses one but she throws one on the ground. They laugh.)
Clay: I miss this. The day-to-day of us.
Phoebe: Yeah, me too. Okay, well, I'm going to change now.
Clay: Okay. Oh, you want me to leave?
Phoebe: Yes, kind of a loaded question but, uh, yeah, I think that-that would be best.
Clay: Phoebe, we did live together. It's not like I hadn't...
Phoebe: Yeah, I-I-I know but things have changed.
Clay: Come here, come sit down.
(She sits down on the bed.)
Phoebe: We're very different.
Clay: Do we have to be?
(He starts kissing her neck.)
Phoebe: Uh, well, you know, when you, uh... okay, stop, stop. (He stops.) Okay, go, go. (He continues kissing her neck.) What am I doing? Okay, you know this isn't fair because I love it when you...
(He kisses her on the lips and they lay down on the bed.)
[Cut to the living room. Piper's got the Book Of Shadows and she's writing something. Prue comes in the front door.]
Piper: Ugh, Prue, you scared me.
Prue: Where's Phoebe?
Piper: Upstairs. (She heads upstairs.) But you might wanna... knock.
[Cut to upstairs. Prue barges in Phoebe's room.]
Prue: Phoebe, we need to talk...
(She sees Phoebe and Clay in bed together.)
Phoebe: Yes, we do.
(Prue pulls a disgusted face and walks back outside.)
[Scene: Manor. Foyer. Phoebe and Clay are standing at the doorway. Prue's standing near by.]
Phoebe: You know, you don't have to leave.
Clay: Yeah, I think I should.
(Piper stands beside Prue. Phoebe and Clay kiss.)
Phoebe: I'll call you. (Clay leaves. Phoebe closes the door and turns to Prue.) I hope you like the show.
Prue: Phoebe, I am so sorry. I had no idea.
Phoebe: What, that it was my room that you barged into? I had more privacy when I lived in New York, a tiny island crawling with eight million people.
Prue: And at least one thief.
Phoebe: I'm sorry, excuse me?
Prue: My new boss handed this to me, thankfully just before the urn could be sold. (She hands Phoebe a piece of paper.) Clay didn't buy it at some outdoor bazaar, Phoebe, he stole it.
Phoebe: This can't be right.
Piper: It looks right, Pheebs.
Prue: Seasons change, people don't.
Phoebe: I changed. Do you remember what you thought of me before I walked back through that door?
Prue: That's different.
Phoebe: How is that different?
Prue: You're my sister.
Phoebe: Well, there's gotta be some mistake.
Prue: It gets worse. If the background information is accurate, there's a curse attached to the urn. Anyone who steals it ends up dead. A victim of the guardian who protects it and she feeds off their greed.
Phoebe: Okay, even if that's true, Clay could've never known about it. Otherwise he wouldn't of brought it here.
Piper: Are you sure, Pheebs? You wouldn't be the first Halliwell to misjudge a guy.
Phoebe: No, it's not about judging, it's about knowing, and I know Clay.
Prue: And I know what Clay has done. Okay, he put my job in jeopardy, he lied to me. Phoebe, he lied to you.
Phoebe: You don't know that. Look, I am not saying that he's perfect, okay, and even if he is foolish enough to risk his own life, he would never risk mine.
(She walks away.)
[Scene: Hotel. Police are in Palmer's room. The coroner is looking at the sting on Palmer's neck.]
Coroner: If I didn't know any better, I'd say this was a scorpion sting.
Andy: Scorpion sting in San Francisco?
Coroner: I know, but that's what it looks like.
Andy: Any chance he was killed somewhere else and then moved here?
Coroner: No. The lividity is consistent with where he was found.
Andy: Well, I buy this place had roaches, I'm not so sure about scorpions. Anything else?
Coroner: Found someone's business card in his pocket. (He reads the card.) Buckland Auction House?
Andy: Ah-ah-ah. Let me guess, Prue Halliwell?
Coroner: Yeah, how'd you know?
Andy: I'm cursed. Let me know when you get the report back on the sting. (Andy walks out in the hallway. He bumps into Clay.) Excuse me.
(He continues walking. Clay looks in the room and sees Palmer getting zipped up in a body bag.)
[Scene: Bucklands. Prue's office. The picture appears back on the urn. Prue and Claire walk in.]
Claire: Lot 49 - $2600, lot 50 - $15000, lot 51 - excluded. (She sees the urn.) Shouldn't that be turned into proper authorities?
Prue: I'm contacting customs as soon as we're finished here. Look, again, I just wanna assure you that I didn't have anything to do with...
Claire: Just handle it. How did we do?
Prue: $1.28 million. We did it.
Claire: The auction house lives to see another day. Congratulations. (They shake hands.) Good work.
Prue: Thanks. (Claire leaves. Andy walks in.) Andy, hi. Here to arrest me again?
Andy: Mmm, not this time. (He sees a picture of scorpion on the urn.) A scorpion? Why am I not surprised?
Prue: I'm afraid I don't...
Andy: A young man died last night of a scorpion sting. Palmer Kellogg, you know him?
Prue: I don't believe I do.
Andy: Well, he obviously knew you. I found your card on his body.
Prue: We did just have an auction, I met a lot of people.
Andy: Well, I'll bring a photo by later, see if it jogs anything.
Prue: That's fine.
Andy: Prue, listen, just because we're not dating anymore, I want you to know I still care about you. So if you're ever in a jam or you ever need anything, just know you can always call me.
Prue: I know, thanks.
[Scene: Hotel. Clay's room. He's packing. Someone knocks on the door.]
Phoebe: Are you in there?
(He opens the door.)
Phoebe: You stole the urn, didn't you?
Clay: Why don't you come inside?
Phoebe: No, I am not going anywhere until you answer the question.
Clay: Okay, yes.
(She walks inside.)
Phoebe: Were you planning on saying goodbye before you skipped town?
Clay: Palmer's dead, Phoebe.
Clay: He died from a scorpion sting. I called Wesley to tell him, that's when his parents tell me he's dead too. Spider bites. I don't know how, I don't know why but I know one thing, I'm not gonna stick around.
Phoebe: You are such a liar.
Clay: Phoebe, I'm not lying.
Phoebe: You knew the urn was cursed when you stole it, you knew the legend.
Clay: What are you talking about? What legend?
Phoebe: Are you telling me that you didn't know whoever steals the urn dies?
Clay: Palmer and Wesley. I swear, I know nothing about it.
Phoebe: Yeah, right.
Clay: Come on, Phoebe, you have to believe me.
Phoebe: No, I don't. You're a liar, Clay. You will never change. You will always look for the easy way out.
[Scene: Quake. Piper's sitting at the bar. Doug is putting glasses on the shelf. He sees Shelley and drops a glass.]
Doug: Sorry. Uh, I'll go get the broom.
Piper: Good idea.
(Phoebe comes up to Piper.)
Phoebe: I see you reversed the spell.
Piper: Yeah, and I've been given until tomorrow to fire him.
Phoebe: Maybe Prue was right. Maybe they just don't belong together. Seems like the theme of the day.
Piper: Oh, Clay?
Phoebe: Uh huh. He totally used me, Piper. He just used me to get to Prue.
Piper: I'm sorry.
Phoebe: Thanks for not saying 'I told you so'. Why didn't I see it coming? What am I? A sucker for punishment?
Piper: No, you see the good in people and that's never wrong. Besides the wrong guys are usually the most interesting. Until you get your hopes up and let your guard down and then reveal their true selves.
Phoebe: So true.
Piper: Look at Doug. Great guy, kind of boring on the surface, easy to overlook but maybe in the long run we're better off with his type.
Phoebe: Maybe in the way long run. I think I'm still looking for adventure.
Piper: Then you risk paying the price.
(They hear a crash.)
Doug: I got it.
Piper: Maybe it's a price worth paying.
Phoebe: I just don't know anymore. Thanks for the ear.
[Scene: Manor. The doorbell rings. Phoebe answers it.]
Clay: Can I come in?
Clay: Look, I made a lie about buying the urn but I swear I didn't know it was cursed.
Phoebe: Well, that still makes you a thief now doesn't it.
Clay: Well, that's why I'm here. I wanna make things right. I wanna turn myself into the police. (Phoebe rolls her eyes.) I mean it, Phoebe, honest. It's the only way I can redeem myself with you.
Phoebe: And how do I know this isn't just another one of your scams?
Clay: Well, I guess you don't. But I don't wanna take shortcuts anymore. I wanna take the urn with me to the police. There's no way Prue's just gonna give it to me, not with out you. I need your help. It's the last favour I'll ever ask, I promise.
Phoebe: I don't think so.
(He touches her arm and Phoebe has a premonition of a snake about to attack Clay.)
Phoebe: The curse.
Phoebe: Let's go.
[Scene: Bucklands. Prue's office. Prue's there. Phoebe and Clay walk in.]
Prue: Phoebe. What is he doing here?
Phoebe: Save it till later. I have seen the future and it's not bright. Oh, good, you can give the urn to the police.
Prue: Yeah, no, I thought that it might get you into trouble.
Phoebe: Yeah, well, you know that little legend we were talking about? Well... (the guardian appears) I think it's true.
Clay: What the hell is that?
Prue: Get him outta here.
(She pushes him out the door. Prue tries to use her power on the guardian but it doesn't work.)
Guardian: I don't wanna harm you. I came for the thief.
Prue: Who are you?
Guardian: I'm the Guardian of the urn. You cannot destroy me.
(Prue uses her power again and the guardian gets pushed back slightly.)
Prue: Uh, Phoebe, run.
(They run outside.)
Guardian: So now there are more who will die.
[Scene: Manor. Prue, Phoebe and Clay walk through the front door.]
Clay: I still don't understand.
Phoebe: You stay down here, we'll be right back.
(Piper walks in the foyer.)
Piper: What's going on?
Prue: Tell you in the attic.
(Prue and Piper head for the stairs.)
Clay: Hey, where you going?
Phoebe: Fill her in, I'll meet you guys upstairs. (to Clay) Uh, Piper is really into legends and Prue is really good with her mind, so...
Clay: Yeah, but that thing, the guardian. She's not even...
Phoebe: Human? Yeah, I know, but she's real and we have to figure out how to stop her before she gets you.
Clay: I know what you're thinking, Phoebe. I do not want you getting hurt because of me.
Phoebe: You know, I think I actually believe you.
(She smiles and runs upstairs.)
[Cut to the attic. Prue and Piper are flipping through the Book Of Shadows. Phoebe comes in.]
Phoebe: Did you find anything?
Piper: Nothing about Egyptian urns or greed demons. Zip.
Prue: Well, let's just hope that she didn't follow us here because our powers are useless against her.
Piper: How is that possible? I mean, that's never happened to us before.
Prue: Maybe we're not supposed to protect him.
Phoebe: What are you saying?
Prue: All I'm saying is maybe there's a reason. Like Piper trying to force Doug and Shelley back together again. Maybe there are just some things that we're not supposed to save.
Phoebe: No, we're saving Clay, period. There's just gotta be something we're missing.
Piper: Maybe this is something. It doesn't talk about the urn but it talks about the seven deadly sins. Greed being one of them.
Prue: Wait a minute, the guardian punishes the greedy so maybe if Clay does something selfless it'll even the score.
Piper: Good luck. (Prue and Phoebe give her a look.) Sorry.
(They go downstairs.)
Phoebe: Clay? Clay, where are you? Clay!
Piper: I think he left.
Phoebe: I don't believe it.
Piper: Sorry, Pheebs.
Phoebe: No, I mean I really don't believe it. He wouldn't just leave like that.
Prue: Well, do you have a better explanation?
Phoebe: He was worried about me, he was worried about us. I am telling you... wait, my vision, I think I know where he's gone, we've gotta stop him.
[Cut to Bucklands. Prue's office. The guardian appears. Clay walks in.]
Guardian: I knew you'd come back. Your greed consumes you.
Clay: I'm not here for the urn.
Guardian: You must be punished.
Clay: I know. When you're done with me, that's it, right? You're not gonna hurt anybody else?
Guardian: Not until somebody steals the urn again.
Clay: How do you know anybody will?
Guardian: Somebody always does.
(A snake appears in front of Clay. Prue, Piper and Phoebe run in.)
Clay: Stay back, Phoebe.
Prue: Phoebe, look out!
(The snake goes to bite Phoebe and Clay puts his arm up in front of Phoebe. The snake disappears.)
Phoebe: A selfless act. Just like the Book Of Shadows said.
(The Guardian and the urn disappears.)
Piper: Where'd it go?
Prue: Who cares as long as it's not here.
Clay: Are you okay?
Phoebe: Am I okay? Who says people never change.
(Phoebe hugs Clay.)
[Scene: Quake. Prue, Piper and Phoebe are sitting at the bar.]
Piper: Good thing we didn't have to end up using our powers to vanquish her otherwise Clay would've seen her.
Prue: They didn't work anyway.
Phoebe: Not something I hope ever happens again.
(Doug walks along holding a tray of glasses. Shelley walks near him.)
Piper: Ooh, ooh, forgot about Doug.
(Doug drops the tray and Piper freezes it in mid air.)
Prue: This is getting ridiculous.
Piper: Oh, tell me about it. That engagement ring's probably still burning a hole in his apron. (Prue gets up and walks over to Doug.) Where are you going? What are you doing?
Prue: Solving your problem and keeping you employed.
(Prue takes a ring box out of Doug's pocket and puts it on the floor. She sits back down and they unfreeze. The tray falls on the floor.)
(Shelley notices the ring on the floor.)
Shelley: What's that?
(She picks it up and opens it. She gasps.)
Doug: I was carrying that around for weeks, trying to find the right time to ask you.
Shelley: Ask me what?
Doug: To, um, marry me.
Shelley: But that's why I broke up with you. I gave up on waiting.
(They smile and hug.)
Piper: This would've happened sooner if I would've keep my little wicca nose out of their business.
Phoebe: You can't change people, they have to change themselves.
Prue: Speaking of that. Yum. (Clay walks towards them.) Go, baby.
Piper: Go, girl.
Piper: You go. You can do it.
(They laugh. Phoebe walks up to Clay.)
Phoebe: Hey. I'm glad you stopped by.
Clay: Any chance you're gonna come back with me?
Phoebe: No. This is my home now.
Clay: I know I lied to you about a lot of things. But one thing I never lied to you about was how much I care about you.
Phoebe: I know, Clay.
Clay: I guess I should be going.
Clay: Um, you know, I hope the next time we cross paths, I'll be the guy you always think you see.
(He leaves. Prue and Piper walk up to her.)
Prue: Are you okay?
Phoebe: Oh, yeah, yeah, he was just stopping by on his way home, no big deal.
Piper: Heard that before.
(Prue and Piper hug her.)